The December holiday season is often seen as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. For many, it’s filled with festive traditions and cherished memories. But for others, like me, the season carries a different weight—one marked by loss, grief, and a sense of isolation.
I’m not Christian, I don’t celebrate Christmas, and I lost my dad during the December holidays when I was young. Years later, I lost my stepdad around the same time. Every November, as Halloween candy is replaced with Christmas decor, I feel an all-too-familiar pang of dread. For people who have lost loved ones, grief can feel like an ever-present companion, but it casts an especially long shadow during a season that celebrates family, belonging, and companionship.
In many ways, the idea of a “happy” holiday season has often felt like an artificial veneer, leaving me feeling even more alone. And now, as the weight of the world seems heavier than ever, I don’t want this for others. It’s important to lift that veneer, make room for the many ways people are struggling, and create space for those who feel unseen. This isn’t about taking joy away from those who truly find happiness in the season—it’s about helping others feel less alone and finding ways to offer support.
Let’s take a closer look at some of the factors that make the holidays challenging for so many.
The trauma experienced by so many globally is palpable. Wars, political upheaval, and crises extend far beyond immediate conflict zones, fostering hatred, discrimination, and inequities. For some, the holidays are a time of anticipation and joy. For others, they bring the ongoing, immense loss of family, friends, and communities—and a deep fear of what the future holds.
The prospect of reuniting with family can be anxiety-inducing. Families range from unsupportive but “tolerant” to outright hostile. For some, returning home means navigating judgments, microaggressions, and even violence. Misgendering, the use of incorrect pronouns or dead names, and familial rejection are far too common.
For those grieving the loss of loved ones, the absence of family can feel especially stark. When the world seems to celebrate togetherness, the weight of loss is amplified, demanding extraordinary resilience.
The holiday season can bring overwhelming mental, physical, and emotional stressors. Women often carry the burden of emotional labour, striving to create the elusive “perfect” holiday. Social demands can feel exhausting, particularly for neurodivergent or introverted individuals.
Sharing meals becomes a minefield for those with disordered eating, body dysmorphia, or non-normative body types. Alcohol can be a trigger for people with addiction, while dietary restrictions are often overlooked. The pressure to conform to these traditional expectations can weigh heavily on anyone navigating these challenges.
For many, rising costs and job instability make holiday spending a source of stress. The cost of travel, gift-giving, and celebrations can feel overwhelming. Beyond personal finances, the holiday season’s heightened consumerism contributes to increased waste, environmental degradation, and climate impact—reminders of the broader systems that shape our realities.
While many Christmas traditions—like decorating trees or exchanging gifts—are seen as secular, they are still grounded in Christianity. The mainstreaming of Christmas often overshadows other important observances like Chanukah, Kwanzaa, or Solstice celebrations. For those who don’t celebrate Christmas, the season can feel alienating or exclusionary.
The holidays don’t have to be “happy” in the traditional sense to hold meaning. As the contrast between the season and people’s realities becomes more pronounced, we need to lift the veneer and embrace the truth: holidays are personal, nuanced, and sometimes painful.
By acknowledging these struggles, respecting individual needs, and moving away from centering dominant holidays, we can create space for everyone. Thoughtfulness and intentionality can help us redefine what celebration looks like and who is included in those celebrations. For those who are struggling, I see you. I hope you find small pockets of safety and comfort, whatever they may look like for you.
This blog is not meant to be a static guide, but rather a compilation and reflection of our learnings to date. Everything changes - from technologies and innovations to social norms, cultures, languages, and more. We’ll continue to update this blog with your feedback; email us at hello@feminuity.org with suggestions.
Co-Founder and CEO
(She, Her)
If you wish to reference this work, please use the following citation: Feminuity. Saska, S. "When the Holidays Aren’t So ‘Happy’: Grief, Loss, and What We Don’t Talk About"
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